Why
by Kimmy
Summary: Leo leaves Piper for someone else. He writes to her saying a final good bye to their faded love and explaining why he did what he did.


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Title: "Why" 

Author: Kimmy (kaworukun@centennialpr.net) 

Rating: PG/PG-13 

Disclaimers: I own dead squat. 

Main pairing: Leo/Cole 

Warnings: None if you're a slash fan. Die-hard Phoebe fans might not like my take on her character. 

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I'm sorry. 

I think I've said that so much lately, but I'm not really. I'm not sorry I cheated on our marriage. I am sorry that I hurt you. I loved you once and I still do, but not like a husband should. I love you like a very close friend. Like family, almost. I always thought our love would be forever. I guess forever is just under 6 years. I guess forever just isn't what it used to be. But I'm hoping it will be, with him. I think I love him more than I ever loved you. I honestly do. What a cruel Whitelighter I am, huh? The Elders are threatening to cut my wings if I continue this and I don't care if they do. I did the same with you, but I went back. I hated being powerless with so much power around. I thought I couldn't help. I hated being on the sideline. But he's human now, it's different. If I lose my wings then we'd be just two mortals living out their lives together. And to be honest, I don't think I'd mind. 

When did this whole thing start? I don't really remember. I know it was sometime after Prue's death when something changed in you. Yes, people change when a loved ones dies, but that's not it. Well, not entirely. You used to be the sensible one; the mediator, the one that made peace with your sisters, but after Prue died, that wasn't you anymore. Before she died, Prue was the headstrong one, you were the nice one, Phoebe was the man-crazy one and when Prue wasn't around anymore, you seemed to pick up Prue's attitude. 

Not that it was that bad, but little by little you just became less and less the person I married. Then we both wanted a baby. I don't know if it was for the same reason, though. I wanted a baby because I thought it could bring us together again, but it didn't. And the fact that it just didn't seem to happen just made it worse. Granted, if we had actually had sex more than once every other month, it might've happened a little quicker. Then of course, came Phoebe's marriage to Cole. 

A couple months after Phoebe and Cole's wedding, I remember I was fixing yet another broken coffee table in the attic when Cole walked in asking for Phoebe. It was hot as hell in the attic that day so when Cole suggested I take off my sweat-soaked T-shirt, I thought nothing of it. But when he complimented my ass, however, I knew he was looking for more than just Phoebe. I should've stopped it right then, but by that time it had been almost two months since I'd been with you and here was a very handsome man who apparently wanted me even if he was being a little clumsy about it. The master of seduction, the Source of Evil was not. He came up behind me and put his hand on my crotch and that's when I turned around and... Kissed him. He looked very surprised by it and almost seemed to want to pull away, but he didn't. He eventually kissed me back as I tore into his shirt. And... No, nothing else happened. Still, afterwards I felt so guilty and I felt Cole did, too. He grabbed his torn shirt and ran out of the room while I just wondered if I has just ended my marriage with you. So I lied. I didn't tell you what Cole and I had done. Sometimes I wonder what might've been different if I had. 

A few months after that, when Cole was revealed to be the Source and took Phoebe over, instead of worrying over Phoebe, I worried over Cole. I knew he had to be vanquished and get Phoebe back even though she didn't really surprise me when she turned evil. I throw around a lot of bull about her being full of goodness, but the only thing she's full of is herself. And a closet full of clothes that should really cover her more. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned. I'm ranting and I'm sorry. But Phoebe's become somewhat of a sour note with me. I think it began when she vanquished her own child. 

Yes, I know it was inside the Seer at the time, but the way she acted afterwards it was like she didn't care. Her child was gone and she grieved for a grand total of an hour. Phoebe's excuse was that the fetus was evil, but it was only half that. We're all born with the capacity to either be good or be evil. It's up to us to decide which side to nurture. Okay, so I ripped that from a Xena episode, it doesn't make it any less true. 

Then Cole came back, and as much as he tried to be good and win her back, she just blamed him for everything that was wrong in her life. From random demon attacks to stubbing her toe, it was all Cole's fault. You were now pregnant with Matthew, of course. And you wanted me even less. I understood. Or I convinced myself that I did. One of those. One night I actually found myself wishing, during one of Phoebe's mad Cole bashings, that he would give up on her and come after me. I felt very guilty after that. When you went into the horny part of pregnancy, I was me that didn't want to touch you. 

You were almost 4 months along when Cole went mad. You wanted to vanquish him and he wanted to die, but he was invincible. He wanted death so much that I wondered if he would actually get his wish. I visited him one night without you or anyone else knowing. I tried to reason with him, but all he did was throw energy balls at me. When he finally grew tired of it, he told me how tired he was. Tired of loneliness, pain, disappointment. In his heart he felt he wasn't evil, but everyone thought he was. The person who he loved most hated him. I hugged him and he tried to pull away, but I just held him tighter. He cried on my shoulder for a while after. So much pain because of one person. My thing against Phoebe grew a little more that night. 

I think it was the night after when Paige tried to vanquish him by herself. I warned against her going alone, but she didn't listen as always. I lied to her. To all of you. I was sure Cole wouldn't hurt her, but I wasn't so sure Paige would not hurt him. He wanted to die, after all, so he would've let her hurt him and she being the strongest of the three, it was quite possible that eventually Paige would've succeeded. That night, of course, was when the Avatars visited Cole and powered him up. And what does he do? Make a parallel world where the Power of Three was never reestablished so he could have a second chance with Phoebe. But all it got him was more pain before Paige vanquished him. Yes, I know Paige told us it was Phoebe who threw the potion, but it was Paige that made everything happen including the potion. Phoebe only thought of herself and took the potion from Paige so that *she* could throw it. I guess it doesn't matter which dimension you're in, Phoebe is still Phoebe. 

Months passed. Demons attacked, you grew bigger, I worked on the nursery, Paige worked on her magic, and Phoebe turned a man into a turkey and tried to eat him. In other words, just normal days in the Halliwell Manor. Then came Matthew. My son. God, I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love him. He's... Words don't describe just what he is to me. Matthew Halliwell-Wyatt. I know you named him after me, but somehow that order just suits him better. I remember at first how you felt so inadequate around him, but eventually you got the hang of it. You're a great mother. Phoebe's attachment freaked me out a bit. She acted like Matty was hers instead of ours and it made me nervous. Her being prone to evil and her attachment just rang alarms in my head everytime she was around him. I'm glad she set herself straight. It gave me hope for her. 

Then she slept with her boss. Easy come, easy go. But he was a nice man even if a slimeball. He never told her about the sexual harassment suits that were filed by people when news of their dating broke out. He settled all of them quietly and still wanted her. He had to leave, of course. He couldn't really afford to stay. Phoebe never even thought of this. Good old Phoebe. I've heard that he and the Crone have hooked up. I hope it works out for them. What? Did you think the Crone would be so easily vanquished? No. But she's promised to leave Matty alone. And she has so don't worry. 

After the Crone was "vanquished," some idiot set the Titans free and most of the Elders were slaughtered. Useless as they were, seeing them all so brutally murdered... I hate remembering it. It's like the war. Memories that I wish I never had, but do. But if I didn't have those memories, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the good ones, would I? 

The Titans were after Whitelighters when Paige volunteered to be bait. She reminds me of Prue so much sometimes. I hope she doesn't get herself killed, too. 

Phoebe told us that's when Chris appeared and Paige was turned to stone. When I first met him, there was something about him. No, I'm not talking about setting every gaydar off from here to Pluto, that's pretty obvious. No, there was just something about him. He just seemed very familiar to me. He helped convince me to make you all goddesses to defeat the Titans. It was a good decision. You sent them into the center of the Earth where I'm sure we'll never hear from them again. I'm so proud of you for that. 

Then you came here because I was made Elder and I made you so miserable. I'm sorry I made you hurt then. I put some mojo on you to make you go on with life somehow. I regret doing that. I came down once more to Earth to tell Chris he was your new Whitelighter. I didn't really trust him so I told him I would be watching. I orbed back out and something hit me. Next thing I knew I was in some kind of plane. There was only me, a sofa bed, and Cole. 

I called out to him a few times, but it was as if he couldn't hear me. Or didn't want to hear me. I tried to orb out but all I did was hit the 'ceiling' before orbing back on the ground. Since I was stuck there, I walked over to where Cole was sitting and I sat beside him. He was wearing rags that were covered in filth and grime. He looked at me like he didn't know who I was at first, but then his eye open while and he hugged me. Tightly. And cried. He went on for a while before finally calmed down enough to tell me what had happened to him. The Avatars happened. He tricked them into giving him all that power and then defied them by making that parallel world. After he was vanquished by Paige, they made him pay for what he had done. Cole had spent the past months in hell. The Avatar version of it, that is. He had been there till what he guessed was several hours before. He didn't know how he got there. One minute he was being tortured and one minute he was wherever that place was. I asked him if he could stand and he nodded his response. We walked over to the sofa bed and sat down. On the sofa was a letter. If I remember correctly it said something like "Cole and Leo, make my future happen" and nothing more. Future... Chris. It was him. He had sent us here. But... Why? And what did he mean by "make my future happen"? And just what kind of Whitelighter was he?! Cole just looked at me, searching for answers. I wish I had had them. He fell asleep shortly after. I wish I would've been able to pull the bed out first. 

I awoke a few hours later (I assumed) and Cole had his head on my shoulder. I couldn't move without waking him up, but my shoulder was really getting sore from the weight. I gently shook him awake. He looked at me and smiled. I don't think I had ever seen Cole smiling before that. He has a wonderful smile. I thought that then, I remember. 

He got up and noticed we were still in the bubble plane. He looked and me told me about what had happened in detail. I grimaced when I pictured what had happened to him in my mind. I didn't know how he has survived that, but then he told me how. He thought of Phoebe. My heart sank and I couldn't think of why. But when he said that after a day, he didn't want to think about her anymore. He remembered Phoebe for what she truly was and not for what his heart made him believe. I almost jumped for joy when he said that and I began to realize just what I felt for him. Then he said it. If I had any doubt about what I felt for him, what he said made them disappear. He thought of me. I kept him going. Me. I didn't know what to say to that. He went on to say how I made him feel that night. No one had ever consoled him like that. Not even Phoebe. That made me sad. He also answered a question I didn't even realize I had. Back to that one time when we almost slept together in the attic, it was really him who I almost when to bed with. The Source may have started it, but I guess the thought of being with a Whitelighter didn't quite appeal to him. Cole went through it because he wanted it, too. I asked him why he was telling me all this and he kissed me, told me he loved me. He loved me... And it felt like the most right thing in the world. I kissed him back and we made short work of the rags and gold lammé robes. And you can figure out what happened after that. 

We silently cuddled together afterwards, not really thinking of anything, but us and that moment. He broke the embrace and climbed on top of me. He told me my 'skunk spot' was gone. I wasn't an Elder anymore, it seemed. It didn't matter. We started up again and didn't notice when the walls of the plane collapsed and we were transported out of there. The next thing we knew we were back at the Manor. In your bed. And you were screaming at me. Not that I blame you, of course. I couldn't explain then nor could I face you. You shouldn't have found out that way. I orbed Cole and I out of there and to his penthouse. I didn't even think about Cole being a demon, but after we were there and seeing that I had indeed orbed Cole with me, I realized he was human. 

It's been a couple months since that and I'm hoping someday you'll forgive me. I know what I've done is probably unforgivable to you, but I'm hoping you'll understand. I know it won't be anytime soon and I respect that. Cole got his job back at the law firm, not that you want to hear that. You know, I questioned Chris about all this, but he's just turned an innocent eye. Chris is many things, but innocent is not one of them. I know he sent me there, to that plane, and probably Cole as well. For all I know he created it himself. Cole has a sort of protection spell on him. The spell is definitely stronger than a Power of Three spell and it definitely has the markings of a witch. It's led me to really think about all this. I think I know who Chris really is, but unless I have some hard proof, I only have my assumptions. I'm still waiting on what the Elders say about my future as a Whitelighter, but like I said before, I wouldn't mind growing old. I am a doctor, so I can still help people that way. I can't ever imagine not helping people, you know. 

Paige's here with Matthew so I better stop here. You're letting him see me and I thank you so much for that. You're the mother of my son and that'll never change. I love you and I'm sure I always will. Please don't hate me. I don't think I could stand that. I... I really should go. 

Good bye, Piper. 

--Leo. 


End file.
